New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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