can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
