This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
