how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
