Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
