when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
