I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My dick has a subreddit
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
