What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
