Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
