So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up under a house in Key West
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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