im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
