bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I can text with my tongue
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
