12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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