Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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