can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
