Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
