I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
