grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
