Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
