I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
