I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
