Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
