shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
did you just send me my own nude
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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