i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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