My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
