I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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