pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
