final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
