Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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