I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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