Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
