can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
