your room smells of hookers.
And success
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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