Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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