I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
