sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
