I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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