Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
