i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Boobs speak an international language.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
