So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
