Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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