drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
