Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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