I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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