there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
