My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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