I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
