hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
