I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm just crazy horny about you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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