; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
